The Work Breakup𑁋Making Space for Grief

My journey with professional loss and the poetry that got me through it.

Photo by Morgan Basham on Unsplash

Fragments of and in an empty room.

Grief is the response to a loss. Growing up, I viewed grief as an experience based on proximity to death. As time ticks on, my view expands. While the depth of grief will be unique to the person and the loss, the physical + emotional pain, the non-linear pangs of grief, and the act of grieving still exist. Grief is saying goodbye to a future; it’s leaving behind a version of yourself; it’s sudden change without consent; it’s breaking up.

When my college boyfriend and I broke up𑁋a person in my life wasn’t in my life anymore. I needed to redefine our friendships, reimagine my plans, and rediscover my identity.

The ways in which I interacted in the world ended. I replaced them with rumination. I taxed my mind replaying what could have been different. The overthinking and stress led to insomnia, anxiety, depression, and an inability to regulate emotions. In grief or trauma, our brain lowers our access to logic + language and lights our fear center𑁋fight or flight. At 21, I didn’t have the tools or language to recognize or cope with my heartbreak.

Then, last year, when I left my company post-acquisition and mid-pandemic, I felt a resurgence of those feelings𑁋relief and fear. The way I interacted with the world for seven years was ending. A relationship breakup has been compared to the physical pain of breaking a bone. When I left my company, physically, I oscillated between a pit in my stomach and butterflies. Emotionally, I felt frozen and free.

Ending a job is a breakup, a loss.

It’s a loss of people and your relationship to them. The people you work with etch a path. When you no longer see them, the path severs. It’s many goodbyes, not one.

It’s a loss to your livelihood and a challenge to your sense of worthiness. Often before you’re ready, you have to communicate your loss to others. The potential for financial distress impacts how quickly you need a new job. Being thrown forward before processing what’s happened is the rebound. I’ve interviewed hundreds of people in my career, and the bereaved job seeker is a palpable archetype. They’re not just…