The Working Mom Dilemma: To talk or not talk about kids at work

Mothers are seen as less competent and committed at work, making authenticity, impact, and pay equity difficult.

The photo on my desk by Lauren Maria Photography

If I had never told anyone I was a mother, would my career be different?

I’ve spent 15 years in tech, half before and half after motherhood. My performance reviews are a lesson in whiplash — too cold, too warm, too direct, too sensitive. No reviewer has been quite sure how to examine a leader, woman, and mother without the influence of societal standards.

It’s the tightrope experience. Women and mothers are expected to play a certain role in society; if we deviate, it shocks the system. A mother in corporate America is like a bull in a china shop. Even more shocking is when our nurturing souls end up in leadership.

Since motherhood, there have been two main themes — 1) talking about your children makes you look weak, and 2) please talk about being a working mom to make us look inclusive.

So, let’s dig in.

The first rule of motherhood is don’t talk about motherhood.

I listen to life stories from individuals during meet-ups and lunch hours. They revolve around important aspects of their life𑁋hobbies, pets, and families. Regardless of my…